“The one with the dimples” is how my mother describes Mario Lopez. She’s right; those darling divots are to die for. If you’re awesome like me, you’ll know that I am talking about Dancing With The Stars, which is one of my favorite shows. I know all I seem to do is talk about TV on this thing, but I promise I do other stuff. Truth is that while I am clacking away at the computer organizing Bazaar Bizarre for the world to enjoy, the TV is on, so it really tends to inflect my conversational range. But I digress. I love DWTS so much cuz it’s a nice show about nice people doing nice things. It’s a welcome change to witness such a meritocratic cultural moment.

It’s odd cuz in a way that’s what BazBiz is about. I mean it’s a curated show that highlights, in my humble curatorial opinion, the real beauty of hard work. Wow I am totally spinning now on this idea, but first lemme wrap up DWTS. Monique what’s-her-face from High school musical: sucky. She is such a frigid excuse for a “diva,” which I think is now acceptable social code for a Black woman with attitude. She totally lacks attitude or any connection to her milquetoast partner. Emit smith? Too cute for the Paso Doblé. I mean he should be fierce, but he’s just adorable. Ms. Vivica is my favorite, and she really butched it up this week. One of the judges even suggested letting some femininity back in. Keep yo head up, girl… but don’t cut me! Sara Evans… frump city. I think the dowdy poofy tops she wears are sposed to conceal her big mom-boobs. She sucks. Mom-boobs rule, but she’s stinky. Joe(y) Lawrence is so cute I cant stand it, and the judges love him. I think, however, that all of his outfits could benefit from nipple and bun cutouts (I’m dying for “buns” to once again become part of the American lexicon). For an 80s has-been joke, he’s bringing it – dignity style! Mario Lopez, apple of my mother’s eye, really threw down his week. The way he sez “Paso Doblé” makes me melt. Like when ethnic newscasters really let er rip with the accent as they sign off. Like they talk all super whitey, but then return to the old country when they say their name. I so dig that.

Ok so back to how BazBiz is like Dancing With The Stars. It’s a showcase not only of creativity, but also of hard work. I used to think I knew a thing or two about art. I realize that I don’t. That’s why I love crafts. While the art universe seems to be spinning out of control with this “anything is art” kind of moment, crafts really demand stick-to-itiveness. I mean you can be the most super ironic hipster asshole, but if you’re not willing to put in some hours and elbow grease, you’re never gonna be good at crafts. So there’s all this validation of “street” stuff happening right now in art, and that’s great. Listen, if anyone’s rooting for unheard voices, it’s me, but if I go to one more opening where some trust fund prick pressed “print” on his inkjet or silk-screened something on a skateboard and wants me to pay a small fortune, I’m gonna cut a bitch. I know I sound all ignorant and ranty, and I promise you that I am shocked to see these words appearing before me on the computer screen, but I just get to this point where enough is enough. Like I said, I dunno shit about art anymore. Maybe I never did.

I think you could certainly make the argument that my love of the ultimately quantifiable stitch represents a rather shortsighted, narrow, modernist – even phallic – view of aesthetics. Perhaps I am turning into an old curmudgeon because I have the hobbies of an 80 year old. Why then the huge crafting boom? I think it’s because there is something unquantifiably enjoyable about the trajectory or “journey” of a craft project. Yeah, the finished sweater or sampler is nice, but it was also fun knitting on the subway, or just going into your robo-zen stitching mode after punching keys all day at some dumb job. I think mebbe why I’m grooving on DWTS so much is cuz you know that they have to work really hard to do what they’re doing.

I am so rambling…

I think that perhaps I have finally answered for myself – albeit in a roundabout way – the question “what is the difference between art and craft?” Art has its place and always will. I know you wont believe me, but I really do love art. There’s something enjoyable to the mystery there: the allure of being among the few who are able to “get it” is definitely powerful. However, crafts seem to bring out another side of expression that’s all about being inclusive rather than exclusive. Crafts seem to find their appeal in familiarity, tradition. Think, for example, of how tactile craft is as opposed to art – I mean it’s often about literally warm and fuzzy things!

Wow all that free flowing between ideas has me spent. Time for a Caesar salad with anchovies.

So I’m watching Mildred Pierce for the zillionth time. It’s one of my work/craft movies – you know, the kind you have seen so many times you don’t have to look at the screen to “watch” it. I mean how else can you really watch a flick when you’re stitching or knitting. For me these also include Aliens, Pillow Talk, Rear Window, Vertigo, The Man Who Knew Too Much, The Women, Gypsy, Auntie Mame, The Sound of Music, Working Girl, All About Eve, Carrie, Sleeping Beauty, Oklahoma, and… I dunno that’s all I can think of at the moment. I am watching a work movie and working like a busy little beaver. Ooo, Ann Blyth just made a knitting reference! What a perfect moment of Jungian synchronicity! Anyway it’s been a busy week, which is good, cuz when I have too much time I don’t work nearly hard enough. Oh wait--

“Get out, Veda. Get your things out of this house before I throw them into the street and you with them. Get out before I kill you!”

Man, Veda is such a bitch, but Mildred is such a doormat. Who do you root for? So getting back to my busy weekend: let me start by saying rabbit-rabbit. You have to say that on the first of each month for good luck. Of course, it only works if you’re the first to say it. I think if you’re the first one you know of, it still works. I need the good luck; trust me. My dad gets really competitive about the whole rabbit-rabbit thing, cept he sez it in Armenian to trick me: “nabasdagh-nabasdagh.”

BazBiz seems to be gaining new steam. I’m trying out this fancy new mailing list software. You may be reading this blog because of its last installment. Looks pretty fancy, but it took me quite a while to cobble together a couple simple announcements. Presentation is crucial though. I am sure it’ll get simpler each time. As long as we’re on the subject, drop me a line if you think you might like to volunteer and become part of the BazBiz Borg. Drop me a line at greg@bazaarbizarre.org and use “volunteer” as the subject line.

Do you watch America’s Next Top Model? Every time ANTM starts a new season or “cycle” as they term it, I’m hesitant to recommit. I always doubt my own emotional wherewithal to once again invest in 13 unknown hopefuls. Of course within 45 minutes I’m hooked. It doesn’t seem like there’s much “top” in Top Model anymore. This year the winning-spread is in Seventeen magazine. Is it me or is that on a significantly lower tier than Elle? Gilles Bensimon has jumped ship apparently. Seems like each season becomes more and more “down-market” to use a Tyra term. Anyway I like the weird twins that look like less irritating versions of D-list star of “The Craft” Robin Tunney (awful in Hollywoodland). The thing about ANTM that’s becoming the least tolerable, though, is the liturgical recitation of the prizes and processes.

Have you ever been to a 12-step meeting? Yall may know I’m a fuller-figured gal, and in the last year I went to a few Overeaters Anonymous meetings at the suggestion of a friend who found OA helpful. In OA, like any 12-step meeting, there is a bunch of this same kinda recitation of steps, promises, prayers, principals, slogans, and so forth. Now the “meat” of the meetings – the sharing and encouragement – was fine and even helpful, but I could not endure the culty repetitive droning. I mean once a week was enough to make me quit and some of these bitches go to multiple meetings every day? That’s what it feels like at the end of every episode of Top Model now. At least I can TiVo thru the boring crap.

I saw another celeb, and he was with the celeb I saw in my last entry! Michael Rappaport is that redhead dude from that hideous FOX show The War at Home and classic films like Higher Education. Anyway, he pulled up next to me on Los Feliz boulevard in a beamer, and seated in the passenger’s seat was that dude from Adventures in Babysitting! The one who lives in my building. Wild. My friend Paul claims I am often mistaken, but I have had really good luck at star sightings. Well “star” is prolly too strong a word, but “personality” might suffice. In a town like Los Angeles, I don’t think I actually see more than anyone else, but I just happen to recognize more. I mean consider the caliber of actor I usually spot: 9 outta 10 times I only know them from a guest role on Golden Girls. The other day (also on Los Feliz, curiously) I scoped Neil Patrick Harris of Doogie Howser fame, but Paul rebuffed my sighting.

My friend Josh (who’s a featured crafter in my book Bazaar Bizarre – which you should buy) pointed out something astounding to me the other day. You have to check out Americancraftsinstitute.org cuz apparently all us crafters are missing out on untold riches. The testimonials are pretty cool. Thanks for the heads-up, Josh!

Ok, I’m feeling clacked-out (clacking = typing). Mildred just walked out into the Los Angeles morning and the rest of her life so I need to pop in another DVD and do the dishes.

Before I go, however, I will leave you with this piece of crafty advice: if the best promo giveaway you can come up with is either a “fabric pendant” or a paperclip with a tacky pony bead on a ribbon, you may not have the most promising career in crafts ahead of you. In fact, I really hope that this compulsion for every single person who has ever picked up a crochet hook to instantly make a career of crafts fades, which I know is very odd coming from a queen who encourages crafty commerce. I just think a few people are trying too hard to make something work that just isn’t gonna happen – and I don’t want some huge craft backlash because of more than a few failed enterprises. Just remember that it’s totally ok to craft for your own enjoyment – I’m certainly not making any kind of living off of the crafts I make. Once upon a time I was this hot-shit violist. I got accepted to the best music school in the country, and thought if you did something “for fun” you were a total scrub. It took a long time, and it was a hard lesson to learn, but you’re really gonna end up hating something if you try and force a career out of it. I think if your love of crafting begins to infect others to the point where simple gift giving isn’t enough, then maybe you’ve got something you could work with. However, contrary to what Americancraftsinstitute.org would have you believe, learning a craft in order to cash in on some craze just ain't gonna pan out if your heart isn’t in it.

God, why do all these things end so depressingly? Well, it’s cloudy out, so I guess it fits.