I just peed and it smelled like movie theater popcorn. I dunno if it was the odd air freshener in the Burbank Public Library men’s room, some kinda neurological fallout from last year’s brain surgery, or a harbinger of dread disease. I hope it was number one (so to speak).
Ok so I haven’t written in about a week at least. I am having DSL woes at home, and they will continue until Monday I’m afraid. Just when I am getting one issue tidied up, another comes along. I think they call that “life” or something. Ok here are this installment’s pet peeves:
1) The project runway reunion special featured a montage of Tim Gunn’s “strange vocabulary.” Included were the words “mitigate” and “consternation.” How fucking embarrassing. I am glad our culture has become so entrenched in mediocrity that verbal staples are now considered brainy or even exotic. Perhaps I should say, “We don’t talk good.”
2) I was working the other night and watching one of my work/craft movies: George Cukor’s “The Women.” Joan Fontaine is so goddamn warbly in that flick I can’t stand it. Her quivery quavering quailing was driving me nuts. Every one of her lines sounds as if it was delivered from a Magic Fingers vibrating bed. “Oh, Mary… I’m going to have a baby.” Oh, Mary indeed.
3) My friend Mary Jo and I watched cycle one of America’s Next Top Model on DVD. Problems: the smart, gorgeous Elyse lost cuz she was too smart, everyone had Bold and Beautiful hair after their makeovers, colored contacts were spinning out of control and Jay Manuel wore a shirt that was simultaneously see-thru and furry. I especially loved the ultra low-budget Best Western conference room in which they shot the judging scenes. I swear it’s the one where I spent a night on my book tour last year - at the end of an off ramp in queens by JFK. You can see the window heater behind the sheers and pukey velveteen draping. The ceiling is real low and it’s so tiny that all the girls have to just step forward and then back into the pile as they make it to the next round while the camera operator goes all shaky handheld way too close up cuz there’s no room for a tripod.
4) I was sitting on my second hand Ikea Klippan sofa, when I heard a big crunch and my ass dropped about six inches. I flipped the loveseat over and the shit was literally held together with staples! What should I expect from Ikea though right? Anyway I got busy with my dykey 18-volt cordless Black and Decker “Firestorm” power drill and some long wood screws and I fixed that mess right up. Now if I could just find a slipcover pattern for that particular model. I think there was actually a message board thread about my exact sofa and slipcovers on craftster.org. I think there is also a site called “Ikea Hacks” or something where folks submit post-purchase Ikea mods.
Ok that’s enough pet peeves for now. Onto happy stuff…
I wanna give a b-day shout to my main mama Lori Petitti of Hip Line Media (hiplinemedia.com). In addition to being my awesome friend, she is one of the amazing coordinators of BazBiz LA. She’s a crafter, ex-stuntwoman, and is now training to be a Pilates instructor. Don’t you love overachievers? Happy birthday, Lori – we love you!
Another BazBiz cohort, Leah Kramer, is in town and we’re having din-din tonight. You prolly know her cuz of her infamous mega site craftster.org. She’s also kinda the Boston version of me – only way more responsible. Maybe it is I who am the lazy zaftig male version of her? Hrmmm… anyway, she rules and I am psyched to see her.
BazBiz 06 is totally shaping up. Instead of just one DIY crafting table, we’re having a whole DIY area in the balcony featuring different stations where guests can get hands-on and make a little something to bring home. I call it “Makitakit” (as in “make it, take it”). I was thinking something like “Makitakit Island” with a tiki theme and all, but it’s not really an island… if anything it’s the opposite… what’s the opposite of an island? A land-donut? Some kinda racetrack? I’m working on that one still. Our trusty sponsor Craft magazine (craftzine.com) will be running their very own Gocco greeting card print shop featuring editor-in-chief Carla Sinclair. Now I know I have referred to Gocco as “the trucker hat of the art world,” but that’s cuz of its ubiquity, not cuz it sucks (like trucker hats do).
Have you seen the first issue of Craft? It’s amazing. I am gonna make the “Catnip Castle” for Tron and Jett.
Also making its Los Angeles debut is Swap-O-Rama-Rama (swaporamarama.org). Bring a bag of clothes you were gonna give to Goodwill or something, add 'em to the pile, and you get to rummage through all of the duds your fellow donors have brought. When you find what you want (and as much as you want), you can keep it as is or transform it with the help of onsite designers. I’m jazzed cuz we have confirmed at least one Project Runway contestant who will be helping out with the sewing for a couple hours. You’ll also be able to screen-print your newfound treasures. Admission to Swap-O-Rama-Rama is $5.00 when you donate clothes and $10.00 when you don’t. I know you have clothes you need to ditch, so just fill up a grocery bag with a few things. FYI, admission for Swap-O-Rama-Rama is it’s own independent thing.
Ok I am about to be overrun by Burbank school urchins, so a move I shall bust.
Ok so I haven’t written in about a week at least. I am having DSL woes at home, and they will continue until Monday I’m afraid. Just when I am getting one issue tidied up, another comes along. I think they call that “life” or something. Ok here are this installment’s pet peeves:
1) The project runway reunion special featured a montage of Tim Gunn’s “strange vocabulary.” Included were the words “mitigate” and “consternation.” How fucking embarrassing. I am glad our culture has become so entrenched in mediocrity that verbal staples are now considered brainy or even exotic. Perhaps I should say, “We don’t talk good.”
2) I was working the other night and watching one of my work/craft movies: George Cukor’s “The Women.” Joan Fontaine is so goddamn warbly in that flick I can’t stand it. Her quivery quavering quailing was driving me nuts. Every one of her lines sounds as if it was delivered from a Magic Fingers vibrating bed. “Oh, Mary… I’m going to have a baby.” Oh, Mary indeed.
3) My friend Mary Jo and I watched cycle one of America’s Next Top Model on DVD. Problems: the smart, gorgeous Elyse lost cuz she was too smart, everyone had Bold and Beautiful hair after their makeovers, colored contacts were spinning out of control and Jay Manuel wore a shirt that was simultaneously see-thru and furry. I especially loved the ultra low-budget Best Western conference room in which they shot the judging scenes. I swear it’s the one where I spent a night on my book tour last year - at the end of an off ramp in queens by JFK. You can see the window heater behind the sheers and pukey velveteen draping. The ceiling is real low and it’s so tiny that all the girls have to just step forward and then back into the pile as they make it to the next round while the camera operator goes all shaky handheld way too close up cuz there’s no room for a tripod.
4) I was sitting on my second hand Ikea Klippan sofa, when I heard a big crunch and my ass dropped about six inches. I flipped the loveseat over and the shit was literally held together with staples! What should I expect from Ikea though right? Anyway I got busy with my dykey 18-volt cordless Black and Decker “Firestorm” power drill and some long wood screws and I fixed that mess right up. Now if I could just find a slipcover pattern for that particular model. I think there was actually a message board thread about my exact sofa and slipcovers on craftster.org. I think there is also a site called “Ikea Hacks” or something where folks submit post-purchase Ikea mods.
Ok that’s enough pet peeves for now. Onto happy stuff…
I wanna give a b-day shout to my main mama Lori Petitti of Hip Line Media (hiplinemedia.com). In addition to being my awesome friend, she is one of the amazing coordinators of BazBiz LA. She’s a crafter, ex-stuntwoman, and is now training to be a Pilates instructor. Don’t you love overachievers? Happy birthday, Lori – we love you!
Another BazBiz cohort, Leah Kramer, is in town and we’re having din-din tonight. You prolly know her cuz of her infamous mega site craftster.org. She’s also kinda the Boston version of me – only way more responsible. Maybe it is I who am the lazy zaftig male version of her? Hrmmm… anyway, she rules and I am psyched to see her.
BazBiz 06 is totally shaping up. Instead of just one DIY crafting table, we’re having a whole DIY area in the balcony featuring different stations where guests can get hands-on and make a little something to bring home. I call it “Makitakit” (as in “make it, take it”). I was thinking something like “Makitakit Island” with a tiki theme and all, but it’s not really an island… if anything it’s the opposite… what’s the opposite of an island? A land-donut? Some kinda racetrack? I’m working on that one still. Our trusty sponsor Craft magazine (craftzine.com) will be running their very own Gocco greeting card print shop featuring editor-in-chief Carla Sinclair. Now I know I have referred to Gocco as “the trucker hat of the art world,” but that’s cuz of its ubiquity, not cuz it sucks (like trucker hats do).
Have you seen the first issue of Craft? It’s amazing. I am gonna make the “Catnip Castle” for Tron and Jett.
Also making its Los Angeles debut is Swap-O-Rama-Rama (swaporamarama.org). Bring a bag of clothes you were gonna give to Goodwill or something, add 'em to the pile, and you get to rummage through all of the duds your fellow donors have brought. When you find what you want (and as much as you want), you can keep it as is or transform it with the help of onsite designers. I’m jazzed cuz we have confirmed at least one Project Runway contestant who will be helping out with the sewing for a couple hours. You’ll also be able to screen-print your newfound treasures. Admission to Swap-O-Rama-Rama is $5.00 when you donate clothes and $10.00 when you don’t. I know you have clothes you need to ditch, so just fill up a grocery bag with a few things. FYI, admission for Swap-O-Rama-Rama is it’s own independent thing.
Ok I am about to be overrun by Burbank school urchins, so a move I shall bust.
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